Singles come on Love Is Blind for all sorts of reasons—true love, shameless fame, or just a once-in-a-lifetime experience. But no matter their motivation, most participants usually share at least one thing in common: a desire to be seen for who they truly are, beyond appearances. Just take Daniel Hastings, one contestant in the show’s eighth season hoping to meet a life partner who won’t consider his five-foot-eight frame a deal-breaker.
“The dating world today is just really shallow, and people are very picky and choosy about things that don’t really matter,” Hastings says in Love Is Blind season eight. “I’ve been single for 10 years…in that span, height has been one of the biggest factors. ”
While you’ll have to watch yourself to see how his search for love goes this time around, plenty of past seasons have proven that some couples can’t get past their physical preferences. And let’s be real—between dating app height filters, memes, and endless debates about the “over six feet only” standard, it’s a topic that won’t go away anytime soon. Which might leave some of us at home wondering: Um, am I shallow if I care about height?
Why is height such a big deal?
In theory, a strong emotional connection should be enough to overcome something as seemingly minor as height, hairstyle, and other cosmetic details. That’s kind of the whole premise of Love Is Blind, after all—contestants are challenged to build deep bonds in pods without seeing each other. But who we’re actually physically attracted to is subjective, Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, a licensed therapist based in Los Angeles, tells SELF. And while looks aren’t everything, they do play a big role in that initial spark and maintaining long-term chemistry.
Part of why height, in particular, is such a big deal for some folks comes down to ingrained heteronormative standards: “What we’re taught growing up is that for heterosexual relationships, a man should be taller than a woman, and we’re used to seeing that playing out on TV,” Goldberg explains. “There’s also this idea that a taller man is more masculine, the ‘protector,’” which only feeds into this widespread cultural expectation that taller = more desirable. You can imagine how that subtly shapes who we’re drawn to in the first place too.
Understandably, then, there’s a fine line between respecting your preferences and veering into unhealthy superficiality. But getting clear on that difference could be the key to knowing whether you’re going for exactly what you want—or holding yourself back.
When does preference become a problem?
Let’s say you meet someone who checks all your boxes—they’re funny, smart, kind, and you genuinely vibe…but they’re shorter than you prefer. In a healthy mindset, you’d at least challenge your biases and give it a shot instead of viewing surface-level details as automatic dealbreakers.
On the flip side, if you’re used to ruling out potential partners because they’re, say, five eight instead of five eleven, “I wouldn’t necessarily label someone as shallow,” Gayane Aramyan, LMFT, a Los Angeles–based therapist specializing in relationships, tells SELF. “But I would challenge them to think about why height holds so much weight in their dating decisions.”