Love Island’s current breakout star Amaya Espinal (better known as Amaya Papaya) has everyone talking. By her own admission, she’s an emotional lover girl. She cries without shame when her heart breaks and, in equal measure, sprints through the villa like a puppy with zoomies whenever she’s excited. Her refreshingly raw, unfiltered energy is a major reason fans adore her. But it’s also why so many men on the show don’t.
Despite her kindness, humor, and empathy, Amaya’s cardinal sin seems to be that she feels her feelings loudly. Across more than 30 episodes, she’s been called too emotional, judged for nicknaming her partner “babe” days in, and shamed for moving “too fast” (ironic, considering the show is built around falling in love in a matter of weeks).
Ultimately, Amaya is considered “too much,” and she tearfully defends herself with a simple declaration in what would become one of the season’s most viral moments: “God forbid I’m a sensitive gangsta.” Later, in episode 26, she goes on to explain, “Many people could view this as a weakness, but to me, personally, after everything I’ve been through in my life, I view it as a strength.”
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As meme-able as her one-liner has become, this moment hit differently for me (and anyone else who’s been branded “sensitive and intense”). For as long as I can remember, my unapologetically bold energy, notoriously loud voice, and tendency to cry easily (whether from mild office stress or a sad animal video) have been met with shame and judgment. Calm down. Stop being so extra. You’re…a lot. In dating, I’ve often found myself in Amaya’s shoes—falling fast, craving affection, and blurting out “What are we?” long before it’s considered socially acceptable.
So like anyone who’s been told they’re too much, I tried to be less—or a version of myself that seemed “easier” for the world to handle. I learned to bite my tongue and quiet my laugh, all in the name of taking up less space. I wasted years playing dating mind games that would prevent me from coming off “too strong,” like waiting an hour to open a text. I pretended to be low maintenance, chill, and unbothered when really, I’ve always just been a small girl with big feels.