It might seem like a small gesture, but “this intentional act inadvertently gives each person that sense of importance and value within the trio—that feeling that everybody matters equally,” Atkinson explains.
2. Invest in the individual relationships within the trio.
According to Dr. Bradford, a trio should also consist of three separate duos. In other words, “every member should have their own relationships with each other,” she says—meaning, if one person isn’t around, the remaining two can still click without it feeling awkward or forced. Otherwise the vibe can quickly turn inauthentic and imbalanced, resembling a “friendship” out of convenience rather than genuine connection.
While this isn’t to say you should secretly pair off all the time, it’s helpful to keep in mind that just because two people are getting along doesn’t mean you should take it personally—or assume you’re the weakest link. Of course, “there still needs to be instances when the entire group is coming together,” Dr. Bradford points out. “But you should be excited to be around each person individually while still having an equally great time all together.”
So even if you and Friend #1 have been inseparable since college and Friend #3 is a newer addition from work, it’s still worth carving out your own bond. You don’t have to be equally close, but maybe #3 is your go-to for dishing celebrity gossip or finding the best hidden gem bars. The key is building separate connections that strengthen the crew as a whole—rather than relying on one person to hold it together.
3. Include everyone in group decisions—even for the small stuff.
If there’s one skill that can make or break a trio friendship, it’s communication. “Everyone needs to be open with their feelings, emotions, and needs,” Atkinson says. “And that involves addressing conflicts as a ‘we’”—which is a lot harder than it sounds. Compared to twosomes, “it’s more likely for someone to feel like the odd one out in trios, as if they’re being ganged up on or caught in the middle,” she explains.
At the same time, though, avoiding conflict isn’t the answer either: As with any relationship, unresolved tension can brew into resentment, leading to passive-aggressive behaviors or worse, side conversations with the other friend that resemble toxic shit-talking, not problem-solving (“Ugh, can you believe [insert name] did [insert mildly annoying behavior]?”).
So what does healthy communication look like in a trio? According to Atkinson, it’s about addressing small issues before they spiral. That might sound like: “To be honest, I felt left out when I wasn’t invited to drinks last week,” or, “I’ve noticed I’m usually the one reaching out first these days—just wanted to check in and make sure everything’s okay?”
On the flip side, strong communication also means listening with an open mind—without getting defensive, forming alliances, or judging your pal for expressing how they feel. These tricks, experts say, can steer the conversation away from blame or side-picking, and toward what truly matters: Keeping the friendship solid. That said, if any attempt at transparency is constantly met with defensiveness, dismissal, or gossip behind your back, your trio might not be as balanced (or healthy) as it should be, Dr. Bradford says—a whole different issue we’re about to get into.
So what if your trio friendship is falling apart?
It happens more often than you’d think. Whether two people click more, one pal starts pulling away, or all three stop putting in the effort, the dynamic can shift—intentionally or unintentionally.
In cases like these, both experts agree: You don’t have to force a friendship that’s fading, nor are you expected to, say, contribute to the group chat 24/7 like the old days. But rather than falling into cliquey behaviors or going ghost, a kinder approach to ending your threesome might include subtly bowing out of plans (perhaps by saying you’re unavailable or busy). If you prefer a slow drift, try maintaining smaller efforts—meeting up for less frequent monthly or quarterly dinners, for instance—that keep things respectful without holding onto a bond that’s run its course.
As dramatic as they play out on TV or social media, trio friendships are some of the most complicated relationships, for sure—where moments of closeness can coexist with uncomfortable tension too. But being able to distinguish when things are challenging versus straight-up unhealthy can keep you from spiraling into petty drama and sneaky backstabbing.
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