Divorce rates among Americans overall are in decline, except for one group – seniors.
According to the latest National Center for Family & Marriage Research (NCFMR) data published in 2024, divorce rates among over-65s have tripled since the 1990s. As of 2022, they reached a new all-time high of 15% in 2022.
This growing ‘gray divorce’ wave defies the broader trend and commonly held assumptions about the relationship between marriage longevity and divorce risk, prompting a rethink of what older Americans want in life and love.
Divorce can take a heavy emotional, physical, and financial toll at any age. For many, the end of a marriage can be one of life’s most financially consequential events. In the twilight years of life, when divorced individuals don’t have decades more to rebuild, there is even more at stake.
While circumstances differ, typically, both partners in a later-stage divorce experience a decline in their wealth of approximately half, according to NCFMR data.
So, how can boomers avoid the pitfalls of divorce? Financial advisors offer insights into the phenomenon of ‘silver separations’ and share ideas that can help seniors steer clear of the most significant fiscal pitfalls.
Never Too Old
The ages and rates at which people marry and divorce have fluctuated substantially in recent decades. While the total US divorce rate peaked in 1980, that does not mean fewer people remain married.
As the divorce rate has shrunk, so has the overall marriage rate, which hit an all-time low in 2019. In 1970, for instance, for every 1,000 unmarried adults, 86 got married, whereas in 2019, only 33 got married.
Divorce among seniors may be more common, but it is no less daunting.
“Most couples are worried about dividing marital assets after they pass 65,” says Myra Alport, Founder of Myra Alport Money Coach. “If both are retired, the retirement pot is only so big and thus has to be split according to state divorce laws.”
This poses a conundrum. No one wants to outlive their money as they age, especially with a smaller nest egg.
“The emotional toll of divorce clouds decision-making at any age, but the toll is greater for older clients, especially if the husband was the financial decision maker,” Alport continues. “My role as a coach is to listen and understand my clients’ greatest financial and emotional needs.”
Seasons of Change
It may seem counterintuitive for couples who have been together for decades to finally separate. Yet, for many couples, the transition into old age is a complete upheaval.
Couples aged 55-70 are often retiring from work, seeing their children leave home, and handling health issues. These changes may disrupt their lifestyle and lead to the breakdown of their marriage.
Decades of child-raising, steady work, and managing a busy household can mask deeper issues for many years. Long-simmering tensions often surface once the kids leave home and work slows down. Without the structure of daily obligations, they can give way to deeper questioning about their direction, which can cause them to question their future together.
The ripple effects of a gray divorce can be just as destabilizing as those of younger-aged couples’ breakups.
Even though children may have grown up and left the nest, the sudden split of their parents back home can profoundly alter their lives.
“Late-stage divorce doesn’t just split assets; it can also split family relationships,” says Jordan Gilberti, Financial Planner at Sage Wealth Group. “It can strain relationships with adult children and complicate inheritance plans. It’s essential to communicate openly with family and update estate documents to reflect new realities.”
“The ripple effects of divorce extend beyond the couple,” he continues. “Adult children may find themselves caught in emotional crossfire or facing altered inheritance expectations.”
She’s Walking Out
As with divorces at earlier ages, more often than not, it is the female partner who pulls the cord. A 2022 study by the Survey Center for American Life found that two-thirds of divorced women claim they initiated their split.
“We don’t believe it’s because of a lack of love, but the weight of decades not being seen. Not being heard,” says Tj Binkowski, Owner of Narrow Road Financial Planning.
Binkowski points to a revealing statistic cited in McKinsey studies: 70% of widows leave their husband’s financial advisor within a year of their spouse’s passing.
“This could be ostensibly after being ignored and left out of financial conversations for decades,” he says.
Binkowski says this points to deeper problems that are much deeper than legal or financial issues.
“Advisors know the truth: The lonely, bored, and isolated make the worst financial decisions. And no portfolio rebalancing can fix some of the mistakes made later in life.”
Women are also in a better place regarding financial independence, education, and career experience than in earlier decades, and older women are more likely to divorce with confidence. Financial services are increasingly tailored to the needs of women in this age group.
“These days, Certified Divorce Financial Analysts (CDFA)—often women—are helping people take control of their finances during divorce,” says Jonathan Kolmetz, Founder of Oaks Wealth Management.
“It’s a big shift from how things used to be, when some women didn’t know as much about the family’s money and maybe only visited the advisor once. Now, they’re showing up informed, asking smart questions, and working with professionals who are focused on helping them plan for what’s next.”
Gray divorce is reshaping the way older couples approach their finances and relationships. As divorce rates rise among seniors, navigating this life transition with careful planning, open communication, and professional guidance from a divorce financial planner is crucial. Only by addressing both the financial and emotional aspects can couples protect their assets, maintain family harmony, and ensure a secure future for all involved.