Adam Sandler received the Career Achievement Award at AARP’s Movies for Grownups Awards on Saturday, where he got real about, well, getting old.
“A lot of people said to me, ‘Sandman, getting an AARP award means that you’re old now.’ To what I say, it’s not because of this award. I’ve got 10 other reasons that you know I am fucking old,” Sandler joked after accepting the honor from friend Henry Winkler.
He proceeded to have the crowd in stitches as he listed through those 10 reasons, which included, “The other day, I had to swallow a Viagra to take a piss. And I had to call my doctor because the piss lasted for more than four hours” and “the font on my phone is so big that my texts can be read by anyone with a window seat on a Delta flight.”
There was also “At my high school reunion, I spent most of the night saying, ‘I’m so sorry to hear that;’” “None of my toenails are the same color anymore. If I take my socks off, it looks like a fucking pack of Crayola crayons” and “When I receive the Academy Awards screeners, even though I press play on 44 different movies, I can only stay awake for a combined total of eight minutes. For all of you who are getting all the accolades, I must say I love the first 30 seconds of all of your work.”
He then thanked his wife Jackie for “staying with me even though no part of my body is where it used to be” and the star, who is in the midst of awards buzz for Jay Kelly, mused, “I don’t know how much time I have left — 60, 70 years. 80 tops, maybe 90 if I start working out and taking creatine.” Regardless, he said, “I promise to everyone here tonight, I will make at least 50 more movies before I am dead — and at least 25 of them will be good.”